Gov. DeSantis To Outlaw Alphabet Soup In The State Of Florida
Continuing his war on woke ideology Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis has signed into law a state house bill banning alphabet soup in the state of Florida. The bill, which would effectively ban the sale and/or consumption of the kid-friendly canned soup comes after an innocent family lunch at the DeSantis household accidentally took a turn for the woke.
While carefully inspecting the soup that First Lady Casey DeSantis was about to serve to the couple’s three young children, the governor was horrified to discover that, just as he’d suspected, the soup contained the letters C,R,T and even worse L,G,B,T,Q.
Speaking after the bill signing to a group of passionate Floridians, DeSantis loudly proclaimed to his constituents, “For as long as I am governor of this great state, we will not allow the Campbell’s Soup mob to continue poisoning our children’s minds with their hateful, racist, woke, anti-american, soup!”
“This is a victory for patriotic Americans everywhere!” Florida resident Keith LeMoyne was quoted as saying of the bill that would make the production, sale, or consumption of alphabet soup punishable by up to 10 years in prison. LeMoyne went to say, “while I’m still not entirely sure what CRT is, I’m so glad it’s no longer being force fed to our children.”
While Floridians were busy celebrating the bill’s passage, conservative influencers all over the country were hard at work coming up with ideas for the next great canned soup that all red, white, and blue Americans could enjoy.
Radio host Dan Bongino’s proposal of “MAGA Soup” was quickly shot down after the realization that a soup containing the letter “G” would be counterproductive to the Florida bill’s intent.
At press time DeSantis had proposed adding an addendum to the bill, banning the sale of the breakfast cereal Alpha-Bits, before remembering they had already been removed from store shelves in 2006.